THE OWNER OF THIS XANGA

WILL NO LONGER POST:

PLEASE READ

THE FOLLOWING.

Jane's not on this site anymore.

I just thought I'd come update her xanga one last time.

She died Friday December 2nd. 2005

Before her passing she made it down to her final goal weight 72lbs.

I guess you could call that her final "sucsess".

Her body shut down. And quit.

I hope you all take this to heart and see what "Ana" really does to you.

Ana's not a friend.

Anorexia is a Deadly disease.

Jane, liked to identify herself with the butterfly.

A butterfly starts out as a small, fuzzy, ugly round little worm..

it goes to sleep.. and for a long time starves in it's little bundle.

Until it comes out a beautiful, light, fragile creature that is swept off by the wind.

But in the end..

The butterfly starves itself..to die.

<3 Vivica.

RIP

Arianna "Jane" Smallenton

September, 19th 1987 - December, 2nd 2005.

Her grave stone reads

"Weightless"

surrounded by a group of butterflies.

I feel so empty light and free...

I feel so sickly and heavy and dead..

With out that familiar burn of hunger..comforting me.

Currently Listening Tidal By Fiona Apple The First Taste see related

I found this poem on another girl's xanga..it made me think.

I have no self control

Clawing at the walls

Trying to crawl

Swimming through thick air

Poluted with calories and self doubt

Making it harder to breathe

Swallowing me whole

Holding me down

Telling me to go..

Go until I can't go anymore..

Go until I can fly...

I'm never going to stop..

And you can't make me.

I'm never going to stop

Not until I can see

The white of my bones

Showing proud through my skin..

Pulled so tight, nothing to seperate

Skin from bone

I want to be thin..

Fingernails scraping the back of my throat

Striving, starving for perfection, attention, satisfaction

Willing to run that extra mile

Until I lay on the ground,

In a twisted pile

Of mangled limbs and withered hope.

Wishing for single digets..

Featherweight..

Double zero's followed by only one number..

Thats my three digit weight.

Diagnosis is no disorder

Dear Miss Ana, Dear Miss Mia..

Make me whole..Take control..

To the bones..

Take me home.

Intake today:

Breakfast: Half a banana = 54 Calories .5 tbsp honey = 30cal. Total 84 Cal.

Currently drinking green tea - 0cal with 1tbsp honey = 60cal.

Total today 144.

Me = Fat. Ass. And! It's raining I cant run today. I'm not eating anything for the rest of the day.

Hey xanga!! Wow I haven't been on in forever! I've been in the hospital, sadly. So I finaly made it to 100, though I'm currently at 98 I like 98 better lol!!

Thats not why I've been in the hospital though! I had this crazy car accident and yeah not fun.

So not much is new! I'm surviving in the new school! Lots of cool friends, and Ana friends!

I have to read everyone's xangas now!! I've missed out!

Stay strong loves!

Jane.